Thursday 17 January 2019

On Having an Evelyn Waugh Moment

The world does what the world does. Thirty-eight years ago I was already thinking that the world was not moving as I would have liked! Here's a link to 'February 1981', written in that month and year, which I posted here on 16 February 2012.

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What’s happened to the British who won two world wars
   But parlayed away the peace?
Who trekked two continents to bust German jaws
   And chuck grit in Nippon’s grease;
Now our forces are shrunk with no ships, planes or tanks
   Though inclusive of squaddies in pink;
May we launch our deterrent? Let’s ask the Yanks!
   Time for a coronary I think.

Our statesmen are coddled to lack all belief
   Though “values” foam out of their ears,
Less sushi and rice juice and much more roast beef
   Might soon put some spine in these peers;
Language and spelling have been all but interred,
   No one cons or composes in ink,
Grammar’s embalmed and slang’s now the word:
   Time for a coronary I think.

Respect and self-rule are torched like a guy
   And everyone’s tupping at will,
Marriage dissolves like a short-lived sigh
   And children are balked by the pill.
Flat-chested cropheads clutch clipboards like babes,
   Disapproving of trans-fats and drink,
Cigars are as outré as astrolabes:
   Time for a coronary I think.

Our thousand year borders – beach, cliff or ports –
   Are breached despite Channel fogs!
There’s Jorgés, Wang Weis, Pawels, all sorts,
   Bayos, Mohammeds – and sprogs.
Cowed and outnumbered, we rip up our fields,
   New towns are built on the wink;
Strange faces and lingos wash round the wealds:
   Time for a coronary I think.

The Household of Faith which moulded these isles,
   Hoisting the Decalogue as shield,
Has collapsed in a simper of toothy smiles
   Whilst Islam has grown and congealed.
Now sharia and mullah will curdle men’s brains,
   Compassion forget how to blink,
An age of unreason will fall with the rains:
   High time for a coronary I think.

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© December 2014